I never thought I’d feel this sad and incomplete whilst leaving a place I stopped considering my ‘home’ before the age of 10. I’ve spent 2 weeks here, going to old haunts, meeting old friends, being fraught with fear while walking out on the streets (bag snatching is REALLY prevalent here), eating food I can’t get enough of, missing other places elsewhere in the world, other people, feeling pissed with people around me, hating them for a few wild minutes and expressing it, shopping like a 40yr old, saying bye to old friends (good, great old friends) and to the new ones and slowly I will just race up in the sky (while clutching on to my arm rests on the plane) and leave it all behind like a small piece of paper that glides away on a puddle of water. I feel sad, incomplete. I feel as if I’m leaving ‘a home’ and going to my other one. I think after all these years I’ve been able to confront and see Malaysia for what it really is, without expecting too much from it and being pleasantly surprised whenever it exceeded this small expectation of mine. After all these years, I finally accepted it for what it is, and so it’s become my home now.
Seeing old men meet at football club restaurants, with a whole big bottle full with chivas whiskey. Seeing a poor boy hide his love for an acquainted girl above his status, in a mamak at 3am. Seeing a jealous yet already committed 26yr old battle with her new feelings and her old responsibilities. Seeing a charismatic man being chained to his drugged up ways, an honest man being cheated by his own people. Seeing joy, celebrations, family (be it one who even openly gossips at Nando’s in the mall). A frail and deeply aged british lady saying her goodbyes to a local family, peeling away with tears, small girls and boys from her arms, at a hotel lobby. Giving them flying kisses. An old man at a bar, looking into his glass of wine, a young Malaysian girl wearing an uncomfortable attire that was slapped on to her to make her ‘attractive’, being forced to get this old man’s attention.. Seeing a young mum at a family dinner, in the corner of a restaurant trying to make her baby calm, looking into his eyes and stroking his toes. Sitting in a traditional chinese wedding, where the groom, the bride , and the groom’s good looking parents made sure they thanked us even though we weren’t their guests..wishing us goodluck through the loud cheers and karaoke singing. Being part of something without even knowing anyone at all. This is the silent malaysia , the one that forever invites you to peer into her, take a quiet glance at her small ways, which tell large tales.
I’m going to miss it.